The Art of Doing What You Want: A Path to Authentic Living
In a world filled with expectations, obligations, and "shoulds," the concept of "doing what you want" has historically been met with skepticism and even moral judgment. For many of us, the very phrase triggers guilt, as if prioritising our desires is somehow selfish or irresponsible. Yet what if this perspective has been misguided all along? What if connecting with our genuine wants is actually the key to a more balanced, purposeful, and harmonious life?
Reframing "Doing What You Want"
When we hear "do what you want," many of us immediately picture reckless abandonment of responsibilities or purely self-serving behavior. This negative connotation has deep cultural roots, often tied to religious or social frameworks that prize self-sacrifice and duty above personal fulfillment.
However, modern psychology and wellbeing research presents a different perspective: authentic alignment with our core desires isn't about hedonism or irresponsibility - it's about honoring our inner compass and living in congruence with our true nature.
The Hidden Power of Authentic Desires
When we tune into what we genuinely want - not what we think we should want or what others expect us to want - something remarkable happens:
1. Enhanced Mental Clarity
When we're honest about our desires, the mental fog of ambivalence lifts. Decisions become easier when we're not constantly fighting against our true inclinations.
2. Increased Energy and Motivation
Activities aligned with our authentic wants naturally energise us rather than drain us. We find ourselves needing less external motivation because the drive comes from within.
3. Greater Resilience
When challenges arise in pursuits we genuinely care about, we're more likely to persevere. The satisfaction of honoring our true desires provides emotional sustenance during difficult times.
4. Improved Relationships
Contrary to what we might fear, genuine self-alignment often improves our connections with others. When we're fulfilled and authentic, we bring our best selves to our relationships rather than harboring resentment or playing roles.
The Ripple Effect of Self-Alignment
Perhaps most surprisingly, honoring our authentic desires often benefits those around us in ways we couldn't anticipate. When we're aligned with our true wants:
We model authentic living for others
We bring more joy and genuine presence to our interactions
We contribute our unique gifts from a place of enthusiasm rather than obligation
We set healthy boundaries that ultimately improve our relationships
As the saying goes, "You cannot serve from an empty vessel." By honoring what we truly want, we fill our own cup first, creating abundance that naturally flows outward.
Getting Started: Practical Steps to Discover What You Really Want
1. Create a "Want List"
Set aside 20 minutes with a blank page or document and complete these prompts:
"If I had no obligations or expectations, I would..."
"I feel most alive when I..."
"I lose track of time when I'm..."
"If money were no object, I'd spend my days..."
"The activities that energise rather than drain me are..."
Don't censor yourself or worry about practicality - this is about honest exploration, not immediate action plans.
2. Notice Your Body's Signals
Our bodies often know what we want before our conscious minds do. Pay attention to:
Physical sensations when considering different options
What makes you lean in versus pull back
Activities that give you energy versus those that deplete you
Natural smiles versus forced ones
These physical cues can cut through mental noise and reveal authentic desires.
3. Try the "Hell Yes or No" Approach
When evaluating opportunities or decisions, ask yourself if it's a "Hell Yes!" If not, consider it a "no" for now. While we can't always apply this to every life situation, using it as a guidepost helps clarify what truly matters to you.
4. Practice Micro-Moments of Choice
Start with small, low-stakes decisions:
What you genuinely want for lunch
How you'd prefer to spend a free hour
Which route you'd enjoy taking home
These tiny choices build your "want muscle" and help you recognise your authentic preferences.
5. Distinguish Between Surface Wants and Core Wants
Sometimes what we think we want is actually a stand-in for deeper desires:
You might think you want a promotion, but your core want might be recognition or creative challenge
You might think you want to travel somewhere exotic, but your core want might be adventure or connection
Asking "why do I want this?" repeatedly can help uncover your core desires.
Common Obstacles and How to Overcome Them
The Guilt Barrier
If guilt arises when honoring your wants, try:
Reminding yourself that self-care enables better care for others
Questioning the origin of the guilt - is it truly your value, or an internalised expectation?
Starting with small acts of self - alignment to build confidence
The "Selfish" Myth
If you worry about being selfish:
Distinguish between self-focused and self-centered behavior
Recognise that modeling self-respect teaches others to respect themselves
Notice how your genuine happiness positively affects those around you
The Analysis Paralysis
If you struggle to identify what you want:
Try many things with curiosity rather than commitment
Keep an ongoing list of what brings you joy
Consider working with a coach or therapist to uncover authentic desires
Living the Art: Real-Life Examples
Small Beginnings: Maya started by simply honoring her preference for taking evening walks instead of watching TV with her family - something that initially triggered guilt. She discovered that returning from these walks made her more present and joyful with her loved ones, creating a win-win scenario.
Career Alignment: Jamal realised his want wasn't actually to leave his job but to incorporate more creative projects within it. By proposing a new initiative aligned with his authentic interests, he renewed his engagement at work and became more valuable to his organisation.
Relationship Revolution: Sofia learned to voice her genuine wants in her marriage - from how they spent weekends to deeper emotional needs. While initially uncomfortable, this honesty transformed their relationship as her partner appreciated knowing her true desires rather than guessing.
Conclusion: The Courage to Want
Learning to honor what we truly want isn't just a path to personal fulfillment - it's an act of courage that can transform our relationships, work, and communities. When we align with our authentic desires, we bring our full, vibrant selves to everything we do.
The art of doing what you want isn't about selfish indulgence but about honest alignment with your core being. It's about removing the layers of "should" to reveal the powerful truth of who you are and what truly matters to you.
Your authentic wants aren't arbitrary - they're signposts pointing toward your unique contribution to the world. By honoring them, you don't diminish your impact on others - you magnify it in the most meaningful ways possible.
What do you truly want? The answer to that question might just change everything.