Perfection or joy?

I work a lot with clients on moving on from a perfectionist mindset. It’s amazing how much it can show up in areas of stuckness and procrastination, which then leads to feelings of frustration and disappointment.

What is a perfectionist mindset?

Perfectionists aren’t people who get everything absolutely perfect everytime. Perfectionists or anyone with a perfectionist mindset, often set extremely high, rigid, often "flawless" goals and place excessive demands on themselves and sometimes others, too. They might not be aware that they’re even doing it, because it tends to be what they think is the standard for that particular task, or what ‘everyone else’ would assume is what it ‘should’ be. Whilst in reality there is likely no set way or protocol.

i.e Someone who is wanting to sort out their garden shed. But feels that if they worked really hard and stayed really focused, it should be absolutely possible to do it all in one morning. Having the whole shed organised and complete by lunchtime. This then can feel like a big job in a small timeframe, that has only been imposed on by themselves. This can then set in anxiety, overwhelm, dread, to the point where it doesn’t get done or even started at all. When really, if they’d just decided to do 1hr, see how much they got done, made a start, and from that experience, would be able to set a realistic plan, the whole thing could be complete easily and with a strong sense of satisfaction at the end.

Perfectionism can also be idenditifred as ‘looking for the gap’

For example, if someone gets 100% on their exam paper or gets the job of their dreams, instead of feeling a strong sense of accomplishment, they might feel that their was a discrepancy with the paper or the hiring person didn’t really know what they were doing. This thinking can be quite limiting. As with no sense of accomplishment, pride, success or joy, life becomes more of a struggle or obligation.

Perfectionism in relationships

We can also see perfectionism in relationships which can lead to significant difficulties, including increased tension, stress, and conflict. This is because perfectionists often hold unrealistic expectations for themselves and their partners, leading to disappointment and resentment. The constant pressure to be perfect can also stifle intimacy and vulnerability, both of which are essential for healthy relationships. 

The Roots of Perfectionism

Perfectionism often develops as a learned behavior through several common pathways:

• Childhood environments with high expectations: When praise and acceptance are consistently tied to achievement or "being good," children learn that their value depends on performance.

• Early experiences of criticism or shame: Harsh criticism or public embarrassment can trigger defensive perfectionism as protection against future judgment.

• Reinforcement through success: When perfectionist behaviors initially lead to positive outcomes (awards, recognition, etc.), they become reinforced neural pathways.

4 Key Ways Hypnotherapy Helps Unlearn Perfectionism

1. Accessing and Reprogramming the Subconscious

   • With hypnotherapy, we gently bypass conscious resistance to change

   • We create a receptive state for installing new beliefs like "I am enough as I am"

   • We help identify and release the emotional triggers behind perfectionist behaviors

   2. Breaking the Perfectionism-Anxiety Cycle

   • With hypnotherapy, we teach the mind and body to recognise perfectionist thoughts

   • Establish calming responses to replace anxiety spirals

   • Create powerful mental rehearsal of handling "imperfect" situations with ease. This one particularly, is important.

     3. Building Self-Compassion and Resilience

   • We install new internal dialogue that embraces what were considered “mistakes” as learning opportunities

   • We develop visualisation techniques for responding to setbacks with kindness

   • And we strengthens the neural pathways associated with self-acceptance

   4. Establish New Success Metrics

   • Redefine achievement beyond flawlessness

   • Create personaliased hypnotic suggestions emphasising progress over perfection

   • Install triggers for celebration of effort and growth rather than just outcomes

Life-Changing Benefits

• Freedom from the exhaustion of constant self-criticism

• Deeper connections as relationships become less transactional

• Rediscovery of creativity and spontaneity

• Sustainable productivity without burnout

• Greater life satisfaction as the present moment can be fully enjoyed

TRY THIS

If you resonate with the above, ask yourself today do you choose perfection or joy? 

In each thing that you do, ask yourself, am I going to choose perfection or joy?

- You can try it out by starting by saying to yourself - “I'm choosing joy, not perfection”.  

- Once you've done that, then ask, "What would be the easiest, quickest way to get this done, to leave more time for me?" 

- And after you've done something, hear yourself saying, "Yes, that's good enough". 

Moving towards this sort of mindset will free up your thinking, and you'll start to notice you'll not just get more done but also enjoy doing the things that you're doing. You're choosing to do more of the things you actually want to do, not what you feel you should do.